Going Crazy

Alright, so this is pretty fucked up. I've been having weird things happen to me over the past few weeks, and I have no idea what precipitated the events, aside from a very possible addiction to marijuana. Several weeks ago, I woke up with my head on my naked mattress, and it groaned.
About a week after that, I had a dream that an ichneumon wasp laid eggs in my nose, while its mate tried to get into my mouth. These were strange wasps, with glowing red eyes. I begin to feel uneasy in my room at night, and have strange pains, along with the sensation that I'm being touched, all while I'm awake. No sleep paralysis yet, as I had just laid down to sleep. It takes a good half hour for me to nod off, so it's about that much time of me being "molested" by unseen hands.
Last week, I lay awake in my bed, It's 5:43 in the morning. Well, 5:38. See, the kitchen clock is off by five minutes. I passed it as I came back from the toilet. My headboard has sliding doors, and a bit of space in three separated compartments. The center one was open, I hadn't closed it after getting my stash so I could smoke the night before. My pillow is in the center compartment. I decide, my head will go there too. Mistake!
I close my eyes, only to hear disembodied growling, and the horror of total body paralysis, save my head, which was getting yanked up and down, hitting the top and bottom of my headboard. This is possible sleep paralysis, though I'm left with goosebumps all day from the shock of it.
Just two nights ago, I had a dream where I was running toward my apparent reflection in the master bathroom at my old house, but the funny thing is, I was outside the bathroom. My reflection was in a room that I wasn't, but I was curious. Curious despite seeing something off with my reflection;
My left eye. It was like a black star. I get into the bathroom to realize I have no reflection. At this time, panic sets in.
"Something's wrong...something's wrong."
Those words echo in my mind as I desperately claw for the doorway out of the bathroom, but I'm too late. I'm grabbed by an unseen force, that instantly incapacitates me and begins to wrap around my neck, making gurgling noises. I assume it was gurgling because it wanted to choke me, but had no real power over my flesh. A little bit of a taunting gurgle.
I wake up, no worse for wear, save my feeling of dread and helplessness.
Last night, I was trying my best to fall asleep, but for some reason I was kept awake by thoughts of evil. Satan. It takes me an hour to fall asleep, I think. I just couldn't get the devil out of my head.
I wake up exhausted. I got about 9 hours of sleep, but I don't feel like I slept at all. I go for a nap around 10 in the morning, and terrifying things happen. I open my eyes again ,and a black mass is coming from between the wall and my bed. It turns into a terrier-sized hellhound, but it only looks that big. I saw how large it really was when I felt as though it tried to possess me. You know how you can just see your nose in the center of your vision? I fucking saw mine. Though, it looked strange. It had a purple color to it, along with a whole bunch of strange demonic telltales, i.e. looking like it came from hell. I was powerless, I tried to fight back, but I was lying in my bed, pretty much paralyzed. I thought I could get away, but each time I turned my back the hellhound would get closer to me, so I had to keep it in my sight, to prevent it overtaking me from behind (sleep paralysis, I hope). This has turned out to be the worst birthday ever.
My theories?
1. Sleep paralysis. It's very possible that the demon I see is merely a subconscious manifestation of my fears and apparently helplessness in kicking my addiction. The fact that I saw myself with a demonic black star eye in a dream might mean that the demon is me. Perhaps, I'm literally my own worst enemy. I'm the only one in the house affected by this entity.
2. Actual demon. It takes a lot of the blame off of me. And it instills great fear that I can't seem to shake. It might want only me. I've had this feeling before, in my old house. There, it was a whole squad of evil somethings after me. Here it's just one thing, but I've never been so scared.
3. Combination of 1 and 2. The demon is real because I think it's real, meaning I've finally gone crazy and can no longer tell dreams from reality.

 

It's just sleep paralysis (combined with a couple of nightmares), I've been having it since I was a kid - it can give you rather crazed hallucinations and it will scare the shit out of you. Nothing to be done, though I find focusing on moving my hands will snap me out of it quicker. Eventually you'll get used to it and stop being so scared, these days for me it's more "oh fuck, not again" instead of blind panic.

As for the dreams, don't read too much into them. They may or may not be a representation of the stress in your life, but interpreting them will not change the facts nor will speculating why they occur. Heck, you're probably making things worse for yourself by trying to understand.

For me, a little alcohol before going to sleep has always helped me through the 'rough patches' - never too much though, if you get drunk you wont get into REM sleep which'll result in you being properly exhausted in the morning. An hour to get to sleep is nothing unusual anyway, it routinely takes me 2-3.

Best idea is to see a doctor if symptoms persist.

 

Increased life stress, combined with lack of regular sleep patterns and chronic psychotropic drug use can possibly lead to (or contribute to) things like this.

I suggest that you A) Seek professional help if able, and B) Work on improving your sleep patterns and general health, as well as decreasing drug use.

If this type of reality/experience becomes pervasive to you I would suggest you seek out some kind of psychiatrist or the like. In my time as a student I spent some time doing pharmaceutical checkups on several patients for a private psychiatrist and the experience changed my life. And I wasn't even a patient.

 

Gross, there are no demons. Listen to Charonte and Philes.

 

How do you know Wolfsbane? Perhaps you are one a demon and you are simply covering your friend's tracks! Or perhaps you are just and they don't exist....

 

I already seek psychiatric help, and have sought such help ever since I was 15. This being my 24th annual day, you could say I know my way around a psychiatrist's office, as well as a psychologist's. It's possible that I brought on a state of schizophrenia with my pot use, let alone the horrible chemical analog to THC binge I went on for three weeks. I used to smoke pot four times a day, then I cut it down to once, and now, given my dreams, I'm thinking of just dropping the habit for a while to see if there's any improvement. The kicker about today's dream? I wouldn't have had it if I went to my therapy appointment, scheduled at 11 this morning. I was exhausted from an apparently poor sleep and didn't trust myself driving.
If anything, it pisses me off. It's all in my head, and I know this, but I still get that feeling that I'm being watched, still get those tugs on my left ear. I looked online for any information regarding seeing hellhounds in dreams;
Seeing demons in dreams is a sign of ignorance, negativity and the like, deep rooted in the subconscious. However, being possessed by a demon in a dream is supposed to be a sign of ultimate helplessness.
Helplessness against WHAT? And ultimate? That must mean some serious business.
I know I see things that aren't there, and I occasionally have arguments in my own head, but this is just jarring.
I asked what it's name was, and at first it only said Azathoth.
So I look up Azathoth, and apparently he's an H.P. Lovecraft old god. The godliest of gods, with his own chorus if damned flutes and infernal drumming. What does that say to me? This demon is bullshit, i.e. made up. Azathoth isn't real.
Then it said it was satan. And I was like, "Wha? Bullshit."
So even if I see it tonight and get terrified, I still get to call bullshit.
Still, I had a voice in the back of my head earlier today that said it was going to eat me. Sounded pretty scary. It was like if a pig could speak english. "As soon as you go to sleep, I'm going to eat you, boy!!"
So yes, Wolfsbane, there are no real demons, but this one I made up with my subconscious mind and has power over me in the ideomotor response, that strange subconscious system that moves your muscles without conscious effort, resulting in spasms (can explain the pains I feel on my body), twitches, and even the motion on a ouija board (I discovered the feelings of motion {and the touching} I sensed on my body was in fact, my own body moving slightly, along with patches of goosebumps that moved over my skin). The mind is a terrible thing to waste, and even moreso, is a terrible thing to piss off. My own brain is out to get me.

 

I'd just lay off the drugs.

 

Well, I'm on the month long road to a clean body. Saw the "demon" again this morning, but this time it was really small, about three inches. It was having a hard time getting on my bed, and then it danced around a little bit. I think it has something to do with the cross I put on my headboard, along with the dreamcatcher (a little peace of mind). I really let myself go over the past few months, didn't care about much of anything, so I figured I'd just spend all that time high. Look where it got me; I thought I was being harassed by a demonic entity.
Say no to drugs.

 

Demons aren't real, say no to drugs. it took me 35 minutes to type this without any spelling mistakes. I am completely smashed right now but I still ended pulling this bird. Fuck why am I telling you guys.

 

Hey, everyone gets a little smashed now and then. Last time I did, I made out with a fat chick. They take advantage of drunk guys.

 

How fat are you talking about? =\ =o

 

At least 270 pounds at 5'4".

 

*gets calculator*

That's about 122kg at 1.63m? I didn't undestand what "exactly" Dark Elf means with necking a frisbee, but I agree with him =p

 

Last time I checked, such a dose of ethanol was lethal.

 

Last time I checked, such a dose of shame is remembered for a lifetime.

 

Finding it harder to function the next day after a night out. Shouldn't leave my computer on when I go out, it means I do stupid stuff when I come home. Damage looks to be minimal this time round, phew...

As for fat girls, they need loving too, in fact more than normal girls cause they are bigger.

 

Glad you seem to be cognizant of your issues Gross. That puts you ahead of most people I've dealt with. Keeping your appointments with your doc and continuing to kick ass with backing off on the dope should help out a lot.

... they just gotta pay.

 

What I don't get is why you went home and wasted atleast half an hour after 'pulling' that chick.

I mean, seriously Zanza. Man up.

FYI my hangovers are getting fairly severe as well, even if I don't feel drunk I'll still be crook the next day.