I LIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

If you drank you might get a girlfriend.

Peer pressure for teh win!!!1

 

God knows it helped me on new year's eve!
It also didn't hurt that I appealed to the girl's sensitive side by assuring her that her dead labrador loved her.
Unfortunately, I don't feel like calling her back.

 

Heh, I'm giong to start numbering these.

Tip #1: If the girl likes dogs, at least convince her that you like dogs too. It helps if you do, but if she thinks you like them, she'll imply all sorts of things about your character. Makes you a shoe in.
If you go back to her house, that's when it's good if you actually like dogs, since it's easier to get along with hers, if not try to fake it, but if you are faking it, at least don't be HOSTILE to the dog; they're respond and cockblock you. If you go back to your place and you have one, better, you cement yourself as a dog lover and might even get a fuck on callback, but even if you don't have a dog, you can just say he's sleeping over your sister's house.
If you have any foresight at all, you can plan this one out; if you are pulling the 'dog lover' card, you can insert a sob story about how poor Rover died last fall. Don't go overboard, unless they're dikes they're not looking for pussy, but the little twinge of sadness will both add sentimentality to you, and the fact that you just don't feel like it's the right time to replace him/her yet will explain the fact that nothing's humping her leg while you're humping her in general.

 

And these things called "women" will actually believe this?

 

Well, you will never know unless you try.

And Blinky, it would probaly do the thing, but I'm no party guy and dosn't wanna get drunk

(I have been drunk once when I was three thou. Don't think it counts.)

 

It sure as hell does.
Of course, not being able to count before being drunk doesn't matter.

 

No. They had a party of some sort. And when everyone was leaving, I found the punch(?)(BÃ¥len) and drank.
And then I as dancing in front of a mirror when they found me

 

Wait, wobbler's a midget? Cool, we were shy a hobbit.

 

Well, Im stronger than the dwarfs, so don't mess with me. And I'm more like 6feet 3'

 

That's a honkin' big hobbit!

 

So he's a mutant, giant hobbit, works for me. So... Sam and Frodo, they were... you know, ass acquaintences, butt buddies, cock cravers, right?

 

Yea they were...A shame to tha Hobbits back here...thats why we had to "fix" them.

 

Is that why they somehow ended up walking to a volcano with a wizard who could have easily killed everything they met, but for some reason chose not to? So what does that make the morale of the story? Only gay midgets have the force of will necessary to throw jewelery into a pit of lava?

 

Well no. They hadn't. The morale is that you need some faggish creature (Gollum) That's to greedy for his own good to come, take the jewelery and then dance down to the lava and burn.
That's why we couldn't tolerate the behavior from sam and Frodo.

 

What the fuck are you talking about?

 

You couldn't tolerate the knob gobbling tendencies of Frodo and Sam because Gollum was so gay that he set himself ablaze in the fires of Mt. Doom?